You are better off investing your resources (attention, energy, money, time) into creating a life in which you, your marriage, and your children are all nourished. Nurturing your children and nurturing your partner are not mutually exclusive! We can invest in our marriages while we invest in our children (and ourselves). If we can only afford to take one vacation a year, we take it alone, and I feel no guilt about soliciting the help of family so that we can have a date night where we talk about anything but our children.” “… you will not find our kids in our bed at night. Children are not a short-term investment. The devoted love you build them upon today will be matched at the other end of your life cycle. They are the ones who will be caring for you when you are old. You can relive the best parts of parenting without the day-to-day struggle as a grandparent.
They can endlessly enrich your life as they expand their own families. Your children can become your closest of friends in adulthood. Your relationship with your children does last the rest of your entire life. “In a few years, our son and daughter will leave our home and when they do, I want to celebrate a job well done with my lover-not sit in a quiet house with a person who has become a stranger…” Having a relationship with your partner that exists separately from your children fails to provide role modeling a healthy marital relationship because they don’t actually see anything but you two walking out the door. “I strongly believe that modeling a healthy relationship for our children sets the foundation for how they form bonds when they get older.” “My husband must always come before our children.”Ī spouse’s needs should not come first because your spouse is an adult, capable of meeting his or her own needs, whereas a child is completely dependent upon you to meet their needs.Īlso, this just reeks of religious patriarchy. “The partnership is the cornerstone of the family,” you think, “though this doesn’t feel quite right.” This time around, it is in the form of a gem (insert sarcastic tone) of an article (I use that term loosely) linked at the end of this post, from which I have taken a few quotes to address the most pressing points.
I’ve been urged to respond to the bad advice that pops up from time to time to put your husband before your children.
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